Guess Who's Back in Town?

• Writer - Chris Claremont
• Writer - Olivier Coipel
• Inker - Scott Hanna
• Colorist - Chris Chuckry
• Lettering - Virtual Calligraphy
• Lettering - Rus Wooton
• Editor - Mike Marts
• Editor in Chief - Joe Quesada
• Ass't Editor - Stephannie Moore
• Ass't Editor - Sean Ryan

Summary

  On to Chris Claremont's second storyline on Uncanny X-Men, and... well, god only knows where he's going with this.

  I'm reminded uncomfortably of X-Treme X-Men. That book started off with a solid enough premise: the X-Men set out to look for Destiny's diaries. The X-Men then proceeded not to look for Destiny's diaries for the next year and a bit, after which they just gave up. Uncanny X-Men began with everyone talking about their recent appointment as the XSE, an officially sanctioned police force. Also a major talking point of the latter issues of X-Treme X-Men, this is surely a major status change for the team.

  And thus far we've had... well, one issue where the XSE fought some technovillains with no apparent mutant connections, some stuff about an exploding teenager and distrust from the local authorities (fair enough), and then... nothing. A three-issue fight with the Fury, and now a battle against Viper to rescue the Queen from Murderworld. What's this comic about, exactly? Are we ever getting back to this XSE thing? Are we just leaving it on the shelf? Surely, immediately after bringing in the idea, and straight after the relaunch, would be the time to do some stories about the XSE set-up?

  Apparently not. The story opens with a follow-up to the Fury story from the last few issues (or rather, the Fury first act, since it wasn't really a story so much as an extended fight). Braddock Manor is magically reconstituted and a slightly odd-acting Brian and Meggan assure our heroes that everything is fine. This is perfectly good so far as it goes. And then we drop it entirely, in favour of Viper, Murderworld and the Queen.

  I might feel better inclined towards this change of focus if I could summon up the faintest interest in people running around Murderworld looking for the Queen. To get away with a plot like that, it needs to be funny. This isn't. Guest penciller Olivier Coipel indicates that he might have been able to do a fairly entertaining Murderworld in the traditional style, but apparently Murderworld is now just a replica of London (which kind of buggers the theme park gimmick), and we get some generic sewers and streets instead.

  Coipel's art is almost good enough to forgive the absence of Alan Davis, but the lumpen isn't-this-wacky plot, the endless hammering of Sage and the unwillingness to follow through on any of the book's multiple directions have me climbing the walls in frustration.

  Rating: C

Summary

  The X-Men return to Braddock Manor to find it unexpectedly intact; Capt. Britain and Meggan greet them as though nothing happened. Meggan gives Kurt a big hug, and Brian is a bit jealous, but Ororo assures him Kurt is no threat. Brian apologizes for not being around to help: he was on Otherworld, and the manor usually takes care of itself, magically.

  Inside, over coffee, they chat. Rachel makes a telepathic image of the Fury, and Brain says it's an artificial intelligence designed to kill Capt. Britains in all dimensions. It killed him, but he was resurrected (by Merlin). He's not sure it's really gone, but it's his problem to deal with, and he shows the X-Men out.

  Rachel senses something wrong and uses her Phoenix power to look at the manor: she sees it demolished, with crazy Jamie Braddock standing there. She shakes it off and sees Capt. Britain and Meggan again; she thinks it must have been her imagination.

  The team has been invited to Buckingham Palace; Rachel, Kitty and Logan once saved her from the Nazis (X-Men True Friends LS). Logan notices the chauffer has green lipstick.

  All dressed up, the X-Men climb into the limo, except for Logan, who's got another commitment. Rachel trips on her new shoes, tumbling down the stairs. In the limo, the chauffer gasses them; they wake facing Viper, new owner of Murderworld (she bought it on eBay). She plans to kill them all, mostly Sage. They're trapped in glass spheres in a giant pin-ball machine, which viper starts, bouncing them all around. She has the queen captive and will kill her at sunrise if they don't rescue her.

  Rachel's sphere smashes apart at the bottom of a stairwell. She finds herself in an industrial park; her power is suppressed, and Viper attacks her, kicking her repeatedly and throttling her.

  Kurt and Ororo find themselves in a sewer; they peer up at a small tunnel, which Ororo is reluctant to climb into. Suddenly water crashes in, and the two struggle, without powers, to a platform on the ceiling. Ororo is unconscious, all the better because Kurt has to take her up through an even smaller tunnel.

  Sage cracks her own sphere, bloodying her hand and landing with Lucas at the Tower of London, an illusion probably generated by pirated Danger Room technology. As expected, Viper finds them, dropping Rachel's body at their feet. She didn't kill her: too young, so there'd be no satisfaction. She attacks Lucas, mocking him for caring about Sage. He tries to fight back, but she pops behind him using a short-range teleport ring and pushes him off the tower. She turns, shoots Sage, and notes how the unstable molecules of her uniform make good body armor. She puts the gun to her head and notes there's no armor there; Lucas has climbed back to the rampart and warns her not to do it, or they'll hunt her to the ends of the earth. Sage asks her to at least give them a chance to save the queen; she says the queen is in the eye and pulls the trigger